


Initial

by Evax3



Series: Getting Back Together [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Euphemia Potter is a blessing, Getting Back Together, James Potter and Sirius Black's master plan in the art of seduction, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Sirius Black, Pining Sirius Black, Post-Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Rough Oral Sex, Severus Snape is an arse, Sexual Content, and asks the important questions, but Remus is just too angry, but it's also quite funny, wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-11-09 09:40:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20851340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evax3/pseuds/Evax3
Summary: After his prank on Snape, Sirius was fucking miserable. The knowledge of Remus hating him triggered something inside him he hadn't known before. An honest talk with James' mother finally brought the realization, and all of a sudden everything made sense again.-He jumped into James' bed and lay down beside him, so James put the book aside.“I'm in love with Moony and now I have to win his heart.” He raised a hand to stop James from replying something. “I know, I know, the odds are not in my favor, but there is no way back. So, we need to come up with a plan.”





	Initial

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe how long it took me to get this done, but here it is.  
Hope you enjoy reading :)

Numb was the right word to describe how Sirius felt. The voices around him no more than a white noise, loud, and yet too far away, out of reach. Words like _detention_ and _expelled _buzzed through the room. _Irresponsible, a disgrace to his house, to the whole school_. McGonagall was boiled with indignation, angry as he’d never seen her before.

Dumbledore more disappointed than furious, so Sirius had only been able to look at him for a few seconds and then lowered his gaze. Directed at his black shoes, facing the cold floor of his office.

And like that, he still stood there. Snape to his right, trembling and distraught. James next to him, his school uniform dirty and broken, torn at one of the sleeves.

Sirius wanted to scream, _it was just a prank_, just a joke to shut Snape up once and for all. But his voice was stuck somewhere deep in his throat. Forming a thick lump that hurt him, every time he swallowed.

Realization had hit him far too late, when he’d come back to the common room, grinning broadly and telling James of the mischief he’d managed.

_Now he'll see what he gets for always sticking his nose into other people's business. _

James had laughed. _What did you do?_

And then his laughter had died. Eyes wide open, face pale as a corpse. The way he’d spoken his name, just a whisper, _Remus_, drove a shiver through Sirius' body.

And then they’ve been running, with stiches in their sides, lungs burning. But it’d been too late. Just a flash, amber eyes dangerously shining, teeth bared, a loud howl echoing through the night, it had been enough.

He’d seen him. 

—

Sirius hadn't slept a wink all night. The headmaster's rebuke had been bad, but nothing compared to James. His looks so full of contempt, bewilderment. So far, there hadn't been a single joke where James hadn't supported him, most of the time even encouraged him. Though, not this time.

_This time, you’ve really gone too far Sirius. _

That's all he’d said, all the way back to their dorm, had gone to bed and closed the curtains. And Sirius had been lying there staring at the ceiling, when the feeling of shame started to gnaw at him, his guts clenching together.

And tears, hot as fire, had burned in his eyes, no chance of holding them back, no matter how hard he'd pressed his fists against them.

The need to run to the hospital wing, to ask Remus for forgiveness, it was so great that he’d jumped up at least three times, putting on his shoes. But every time he’d recollected himself, laid down again, stared back at the ceiling.

Until the sun had risen behind the hills and the night had finally been over.

Sirius had missed the moment, when James had brought Peter in the loop. Like a beaten dog, he trotted after them, his head lowered, and his hands buried deep in the pockets of his trousers.

The hospital wing was almost empty. Only one bed was occupied at the back of the room, where Remus sat, his hands bandaged, closed around a hot cup of tea.

As he looked up, a small smile spread on his face. He greeted James and Peter, told them he was well. But when Sirius entered the room behind them, it all vanished.

“You,” he growled, his hands clenched to fists. And despite the pain he obviously felt, he tried to get out of bed, lunging at Sirius on shaking legs. But it was the hatred in Remus' voice, that made Sirius flinch back.

“How could you? I almost killed him! Do you understand that? I almost **killed** him! And for what? For a stupid prank? You fucking asshole!”

“Remus, please. You can’t believe how sorry I am.”

“Get out of here!” Remus yelled, James’ arms around his chest to hold him back.

And both their eyes were full of tears. Remus in rage, Sirius in sorrow. He wanted nothing more than to step forward and ask for forgiveness. To touch Remus, to show him how much he regretted what he’d done.

But he didn't do any of it. Just nodded.

“I am so sorry,” he breathed, and with one last look into Remus brown eyes, he turned around and left.

—

It was the first time, since they went to Hogwarts, that the Maurauders did not sit together in the train on their ride back home.

Remus had stayed in the hospital wing for the last week of term. Not because he’d really been _that_ injured, that he _had_ to stay there. No, Sirius was sure, he’d wanted it, asked for it. A free choice, for the simple reason that he’d not been able to bear Sirius' presence.

James had packed Remus' trunk this morning and brought his books back to the library.

He was now sitting next to Sirius, staring out the window. At least James had forgiven him, what's done is done. It was only a small relief.

Peter sat with Remus at the other end of the corridor. Sirius knew that he’d never give him a sermon like James had. Feeling too much respect for Sirius, maybe even some fear, to do so. But the fact that he sat with Remus and not with them, that was a hint in itself.

It was just wrong. Everything about it.

And Sirius just couldn't stop thinking about it. About _him_.

His friendship with Remus had always been special. Unlike James, who was a mirror of himself, only with much more untidy hair. His brother, his partner in crime. But Remus was something else.

They both came from dark places; places James and Peter couldn't even imagine. Remus understood what it meant to feel pain. What it meant to be ashamed of who you are. They matched, in their own odd way.

And as it turned out, they matched in other ways, too. Found out, as Sirius had finally taken the courage a year ago, drunk on the fire whiskey they’d stolen from the three broomsticks, James and Peter long snoring on the floor of their dorm room, and he'd kissed him.

It still made Sirius' skin tingle when he thought of it. Like Remus had stumbled back, his eyes big, his mouth half open. But his gaze so intense that Sirius had dared a second attempt. And Remus had responded.

He’d never given much thought to what it was they had together. What to call it. He had just enjoyed it, not wasting a second thought that it might be over sometime.

But now that it was, Sirius felt a strange emptiness. A stab in his chest. More than just a guilty conscience. He missed Remus unlike he’d missed him the last summer, during the few weeks they hadn't spent together.

It was a feeling Sirius didn't know, a feeling he lacked the words to describe. It was just there, and he didn't have the faintest idea how to get rid of it.

—

“Sirius, dear, are you okay?”

He looked up from the pumpkin pie he’d been poking around with throughout the whole breakfast and was now confronted with Euphemia’s blue eyes full of worry.

James and his father had already gotten up. He hadn't even noticed.

“Er, yes, sorry,” he said and put the fork aside. “You want me to help you clean up?”

She looked at him checking. Her head tilted, as if she could read his mind and came to the conclusion, he was not telling the truth.

“Please take the dishes to the kitchen,” she smiled, and then followed him, coffee pot in one hand, jam and breadbasket flying behind her.

Sirius put the plates in the sink, turned on the water and began to clean everything slowly. Just another three months, then he’d finally be able to do this with magic.

And as he scrubbed, he continued to feel Euphemia’s gaze in his neck. It made him nervous, restless, and he noticed the words slowly climbing up his throat. The need to talk about it had piled up for weeks, since the train ride back home. And in a few seconds the bing would finally collapse.

“I won’t tell James, if that's what you're afraid of,” she said, her voice so warm and caring that Sirius finally put the plates down and turned around.

“It got nothing to do with James,” he answered then, scratching his neck, uncertain where to start.

“Come on, I don't think there's anything we can't sort out with a warm cup of tea.”

_That's something Remus would say_, Sirius thought, and smiled a little.

They took their seats outside in the garden. The nearby trees providing enough shade, so it was still pleasant to sit there, even despite the hot midday sun.

Euphemia waited patiently. Gave him time to sort out his thoughts. But it didn't help, he had to start where it was worst.

“Did James tell you about the incident at the end of term?” He couldn't look at her, stared instead at the steaming cup on the table in front of him.

“Yes, he did.” And to Sirius' surprise her voice had lost none of its typical warmth, “is this the reason, you seem so sad lately?”

Now he looked at her.

“Um, yes and no, but …” he sighed. “Remus no longer talks to me.” He buried his face in his hands, and then it all sputtered out of him.

“It drives me crazy. It feels like thousand insects are crawling through my veins, leaving me so itchy. I can't think of anything else. The thought that he hates me now, that I have ruined everything.”

“I'm sure he'll forgive you,” she said gently and put a hand on Sirius' knee.

“But it’s not that. We've argued before. This isn't the first time, I've done anything stupid. Never _this_ stupid, but still. And I've also had fights with James and Peter before. It never felt like this, the fear,” he had to look away again, “this fear of losing him,” he breathed, taking a sip of the still far too hot tea.

“Sirius, darling, could it be, that your friendship with Remus is a little different than the one you have with James and Peter? Maybe,” she made a small pause, “a little more intimate?”

His head snapped, mouth open. But the smile she gave him was enough to make his protest disappear. He swallowed hard and then nodded.

“Well, being in love is rarely easy.” With a flick of her wand, the steam of her mug became a lot thinner and so she took a big sip, sighing pleased.

Sirius stared at her. “You think I’m in love with him?”

“I don't know,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders just slightly, “do you think you're in love with him?”

Well, did he?

—

The more Sirius thought about it, the clearer it became that Euphemia was not so wrong with her assumption.

_I love Remus. _

Each time these words ran through his mind, his heart did a little jump. It was new, it was scary and yet all of a sudden everything made sense again.

And for the first time in a few weeks, Sirius took the liberty of putting aside the thoughts of the incident with Snape. Instead brought other memories back to the front. Happier memories, more satisfying memories.

Memories of strong hands and warm kisses, of naked skin pressed against his. All of these things now so much more exciting, with the thought, he’d did them with the man he loved. And Merlin, how Sirius wished they’d do them again.

He imagined how it’d feel like, now that he knew he was in love with Remus. Would it make a difference? Maybe his touch would be a little gentler. His lips locked with his a second longer, or two. The way he might graze his hand through Sirius’ silky black hair.

And then he imaged him kissing lower than his lips. The spot below his ear, his neck and his collarbone. A stifled moan escaped his mouth as it dropped open.

Sirius’ hand moved to his right nipple. He pinched it slightly, twisted it, imagining it was Remus’ hand instead of his own. Room temperature already increasing, he slipped out of his boxer shorts.

_I love you too_, he imagined Remus to say, kissing a path of fire down his chest, his stomach, along his happy trail. Stopping at his pubic hair, pressing his nose in, nuzzling, as he’d done so many times before. And then linking him there, all the way down where it counts.

Sirius’ breath hitched and a shiver ran through his body as he took hold of himself. Remus's flushed face still in mind, the way his hair would be all tousled, his chest shining with sweat. Sirius bit his lip to supress a loud moan.

The rhythmic sound of his hand flying over his heated skin, already damp, already so close. He started to speed up, chasing his orgasm with his head in his neck, eyes closed and his back arched.

“Fuck, yes,” Sirius gasped, his grip hard and desperate. And then he came with Remus name on his lips.

Hot waves flowed through his body, driving him forward and pushing him back again, seemingly never ending. And exhausted, Sirius finally sank back into his pillows, while his chest was still raising heavily up and down.

He fumbled for his wand on the bedside table and then cast a quick cleaning spell over himself, not particularly neatly, but he didn't care. Because _this_, this had been something special.

Something earth-shattering, an out-of-body experience, an orgasm so intense, Sirius had thought he’d almost pass out. And he'd been fucking alone.

With this realization, what would it be like if Remus would join him? If he were actually there to kiss him? To touch him, to …

His eyes shot open and with one sentence Sirius was out of bed. He peeked into the long hallway, from right to left, and then scurried over to the other side and slipped through James' door. The light was still burning, him lying in bed and reading a comic. When he saw Sirius, he pulled up a brow.

“Well, already finished?”

Sirius shrugged with a crocked smile.

“Next time use a fucking silence spell.”

He jumped into James' bed and lay down beside him, so James put the book aside.

“It's weird when you crawl into my bed after wanking.” He scrunched his nose, but Sirius ignored him.

“James, I realized something today and now I need your help.”

“Okay? And what?”

“I'm in love with Moony and now I have to win his heart.” He raised a hand to stop James from replying something. “I know, I know, the odds are not in my favor, but there is no way back. So, we need to come up with a plan.”

—

The rest of the summer flew by. They’d developed a master plan and when it wasn't Lily Evans, James really seemed to have a clue about the art of seduction. At least Sirius still believed so, at the time.

They played a lot of Quidditch, figured out new tricks and pranks for the coming, their final year of school and for the last week, Peter came to join them.

To Sirius' great disappointment, Remus refused any invitation. But he didn't let it pull him down. He would win Remus for himself; he would turn everything back to good and even better. No matter what the cost.

—

And so, they stood at Platform 9¾, 11 a.m. on the first of September.

Sirius, excited as on his very first day, jumped impatiently from one foot to the other, stretching his head in every direction, looking for a mop of light brown curls.

“He's probably already inside,” he said to James, who was still talking to his parents. “Come on.” He pulled at his sleeve, not being able to wait a second longer, and finally, after a short farewell, they boarded the train.

Sirius' hands were sweating, his pulse racing as they went through the corridor in search of the right compartment. But when he found it, he stopped dead in his track’s, for James to run head-on against his back. He rubbed his forehead and then peered over Sirius' shoulder.

And there he sat, a book in his hand, his legs casually crossed, still wearing his Muggle clothes, the blue sweater made his skin glow. Sirius' mouth hung open.

“Remember what we discussed,” James whispered, “be charming but don’t push it too much, and try not to say anything stupid.”

_Like you’re one to talk_, Sirius thought, but hold back his reply, straightened his shoulders and opened the door. Remus looked up.

“Ehm, may we sit here?” Sirius' voice was trembling. _Fuck_, it might be harder than they thought.

Remus crocked a brow at him, but then gestured with his hand for them to take the seats opposite him and returned his attention to his book.

Though, Sirius couldn’t stop watching him, the way the sun danced over his face, got caught in his curls and his dark thick lashes. The long fingers of his strong hands closed around the spine of the book, which Sirius so desperately wanted to have closed around something else.

He bit his lip and tried to suppress the sigh that could hardly be avoided, considering his thoughts.

And so, he was still sitting there, when the compartment door opened five minutes later, and Peter sat down with them, as the train started moving.

“So, how was the holiday, Moony?” James asked then, cautiously testing the mood in which Remus was in.

“Pleasantly uneventful,” he replied, still not looking up.

“So,” Peter joined the conversation, “this means, we all get along again?”

With this Remus finally closed the book and turned to Peter. “If by _this _you mean, we’re pretending that none of us tried to use me as a murder weapon, just because his self-control doesn't last longer than five seconds, then no,” he paused, now his eyes fixed on Sirius, “we don’t get along again.”

There was still so much hate and rejection in his gaze. And also, other emotions, grief, betrayal, but maybe something else? Could it be love? Sirius didn't know, if it really been there or if he just wished for it to be so badly, but had no opportunity to analyze his look any longer, because by then, Remus had got up.

“Well, come on James,” he said, his hand already on the exit, “we have to meet Lily and the other Perfects to discuss next term.”

Right, James was Head Boy now.

So, he followed Remus out of the compartment, but not without turning around again and giving Sirius a half smile, together with two thumbs up.

Them out of sight, Sirius slumped down in his seat, rolled his eyes and then closed them. He still had a long way to go.

—

The plan was actually quite simple, Sirius had abused Remus' trust, so it had to be rebuilt. He had to show him, that he was a responsible adult, who took things seriously, therefore all their planned pranks were on hold, at least until Sirius had won Remus' heart and they could then strike with united force.

To James and Peter's frustration, this process unfortunately took a little longer than expected.

It had been Remus' deepest secret Sirius had revealed to Snape. His greatest fear, the part of himself he hated most. Standing to reason, that it seemed for Sirius to not really know him. How else could he've done something that cruel?

Sirius was still on finding the answer to this question, but he certainly knew one other thing: That he knew Moony like no other, and this, he had to prove now.

He knew that Remus always drank his tea a little too hot, without sugar, preferably with a slice of lemon. So, that's why every morning from now on, a hut cup of tea was waiting for Remus next to his bed.

Sirius also knew that he always chewed on his pens when he wrote essays, which is why he preferred Muggle pencils over the eagle feathers most of them used. Sirius made sure, he always had a whole lot of them in stock.

When Sirius and James had Quidditch practice and Remus had no Perfect duties or homework to do, Remus liked to lie down in the common room, reading a book. Mostly historical novels or fantastic stories about knights and giants or other creatures, the Muggles always imagined in the most hilarious variations. Sirius had gone to a bookstore with James during the holidays to get some advices, only to return to Hogwarts with a considerable collection, with which he could gradually provide Remus whenever needed.

In addition to tea, pens and books, Sirius had also procured a large load of chocolate, specially imported from Switzerland, because nothing was too expensive for his Moony and in addition to that, two large cuddly cashmere sweaters, because Remus felt cold always so lighty.

Sirius knew Remus. He knew him like the back of his hand, knew from every sound he made, what he was thinking about, or what mood he was in. If Remus was science, Sirius would be the expert.

At least that's what he thought.

Because despite all his efforts, there was still no progress.

Remus ignored him whenever he could and when they were forced to exchange words, those were never more than a handful. He spent as little time as necessary in their dorm and the gifts didn't have the desired effect either.

The tea remained cold on the bedside table, the pens were left untouched, as were the books and the sweaters. The chocolate found its way back to Sirius, who had laid down in his bed one evening, only to get up a short time later, with a brown stain on his ass.

The plan seemed perfect, but maybe it wasn't the right one, as James pointed out one evening after training on their way back to the Gryffindor Tower.

“You know, he's never been the material type before, has he? We should have considered that. It's always been the gestures that mattered to Moony, hasn't it?”

By that, a big grin spread on Sirius’ face, because why hadn't he thought of it earlier? It was just so obvious. Pleased with himself he lay down that night, thinking about all the ways he’d show Remus how much he loved him. Because seriously, big gestures were his fucking specialty.

—

But perhaps _big_ hadn’t been the right approach.

The singing goblin, who had followed Remus for a whole day to praise him and warble all his talents and beauty out into the world, Sirius had found gagged in his closet in the evening.

The colorful birds that had chirped about Remus' courage, his commanding figure, and his boldness had crashed against the next wall in a nosedive and exploded, less than ten minutes after Sirius had summoned them.

Remus face in the stars, his name in the clouds above the Quidditch pitch, it all had done nothing to his cause.

And Sirius had, to put it simple, reached the limit of his capabilities.

“If this doesn't work,” he said to James that night at dinner, his voice as quiet as possible, his eyes kept on Remus, “then I’ll throw myself from the Astronomy Tower, so the whole thing at least gets a dramatic ending.”

James scratched his neck, “somehow I feel like we’d missed one thing.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, there's probably a reason why all this doesn't work. You know, why he just gets angrier at you, instead of …” The last words hardly more than a whisper.

“Because he hates it,” Peter munched, putting another fork of mashed potato into his mouth.

“What?” Both heads turned around.

“He hates to be the center of attention,” Peter said, this time a little more clearly, “come on, this is Remus we’re talking about.”

Sirius brows shot up, “and you're only telling me this _now_?”

Peter just shrugged and continued eating.

Sirius turned back to James. “Shit, Pete’s right, we have to stop the plan.”

But it was already too late.

The moment Remus got up; the doors of the Great Hall burst open. It had taken a lot of work to develop the spell to be triggered that way, and Sirius, with the best of his will, had not a single clue, how to stop what followed.

With a sudden bang, 100 glittering creatures stormed into the room, equipped with all instruments of a marching band, playing the Welsh national anthem. All eyes on Remus, who had turned bright red in the meantime.

The music became louder and louder. The creatures buzzed around Remus, finally flew to the ceiling and then exploded in a colorful firework, writing seven brilliant words.

_Remus Lupin, my heart belongs to you._

What followed was paralyzing silence and very slowly Remus turned around, his hands clenched in fists, his gaze directed at Sirius.

“What the hell?” he growled, and Sirius swallowed. Not able to form any words, just looking at Remus with his eyes wide.

It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. The look on Remus' face so full of anger, that Sirius considered for a moment, he might turn him into a toad right here, in front of the assembled school.

But he did nothing of the same, inhaled deeply just once, straightened up, his gaze back on Sirius with a frown.

“Fine, you won. Let’s talk.”

And with that he turned around on his heels and left the hall.

—

The moment Remus closed the door behind him, Sirius realized, it was the first time, since the incident, for them to be alone again. Uncertain what to say, he buried his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

“Okay, enough with this shit, Sirius. What the fuck is going on?”

Remus' eyes glowed amber, and with a quick glance out of the window Sirius saw the moon being almost full. He looked back at Remus, still staring at him angrily and something about this made Sirius’ breath skip.

He did a small step forward and met Remus’ eyes.

Tension almost visible between them. Sirius watched how Remus’ Adams apple moved as he swallowed, his lips glistering after he’d licked them.

“I just wanted to show you, that I’m really sorry,” Sirius finally said, reducing the distance between them even more.

“By driving me insane?”

“At least you're talking to me again.”

Remus rolled his eyes and turned back to the door. “Just do me the favor and drop it.”

His hand already on the handle, he was about to leave, when Sirius grabbed his wrist. “Please don’t.”

Remus slowly turned around again, his jaw clenched, and eyes narrowed. “Let go, Sirius,” he hissed, but Sirius shook his head.

“Only when you talk to me.”

They were so close now, Sirius could feel the heat pouring from Remus's body. The smell of tea and books and chocolate and something very special wrapped around him, causing Sirius' knees to go weak.

He saw Remus breathing harder, his chest rising and falling, and a quick glance down confirmed what he had suspected. So, he grinned slightly, but lost it all again, as Remus suddenly grabbed him by his waist, flipped them and his back painfully collided with the door.

“For you, this is all just a game, right?” he growled, both arms stretched out beside Sirius head and he pinned in between. “Everything is always a joke, a prank. And what do you care how others feel about it?”

“No, it’s not. Please, this is different,” Sirius whispered, stretching out a hand and gripping Remus's shirt. “I miss you,” he breathed, pressing his hips forward, meeting Remus hard groin halfway. “I miss you.”

And with that, Remus snapped. Untucking Sirius’ shirt from his trouser with quick hands, pulling his pants down, and oh, his mouth. It was better than anything Sirius could remember, than anything he had imagined. He melted under Remus' touch.

The way he kissed him, biting his bottom lip and sucking at his neck so eager, he might eat him alive.

Sirius already felt drunken, and dizzy he fiddled with Remus' belt until he finally opened it and could close his hand around him, so Remus groaned in his ear.

“You say you're sorry,” he gasped, “you want me to forgive you? Show me. Show me that you mean it.”

He didn't have to tell him twice.

Without further thought, he sank to his knees. Closed his mouth around him without another second of restraint. Remus hand slid away from the door to grip his hair firmly in the back of his neck. Tight and almost painful, while Sirius took him deeper, greedily and impatient.

A whimper escaped his mouth as Remus pulled him even closer, causing him to gag. Tears were swelling in his eyes and spit was dripping down his chin, but he did not resist. Tried not to back down but to give Remus everything he had.

He loved him, loved every sound that came from Remus mouth, for which _he_ was responsible. So powerful, even though he was completely at his mercy.

With trembling fingers Sirius reached into his own pants, closed his hand around himself, closed his eyes and let himself be led. And it was not long before he felt it, starting in his toes, while Remus used his mouth to find his own release.

Tears mixed with spit ran down his chin, Sirius groaned around him as he came, as he felt something bitter hitting his throat, as Remus cried out as well.

He coughed as Remus slipped out of his mouth, slummed down against the door next to him, breathing heavy, with his eyes closed.

But when he opened them again, they were no longer amber but back to their actually warm brown tone, the same color as the dark wood of Sirius’ wand. And then Remus eyes grew big, as he slowly came back to himself, back to reality.

“Oh god, Sirius. I –,” he stammered and stretched out a hand to touch him, but then withdrew again. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s okay,” Sirius replied, his voice rough and broken, his throat slightly aching. “I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” Remus still sounded worried. “God, I don’t know what came over me. I was so angry, but fuck. I –,” he broke off.

“It’s all right, Moony.” Sirius took his hand and squeezed it lightly. “I’m okay. And really,” he smirked, “it was actually pretty hot.”

Remus shook his head. “But that's still no excuse for using you like that. Like –,”

“Like I used you to avenge myself on Snape?”

They looked at each other for a while, said nothing, just breathing and silent. Until Remus finally reached out and ran his thumb over Sirius' wet cheek. “Then let's close that chapter, shall we?”

“Yes, please,” Sirius said, butterflies breaking out in his belly, and he was about to lean forward, to kiss him again, when Remus got up. He narrowed his eyes. “Where are you going?”

Remus sighed. “We’re not doing this again.”

“What? Why?”

“Because we're not good for each other.”

“You mean that I'm not good for you.”

“No”, he drove his hand through his still damp curls, “I mean I'm not good for you either. Look how I just treated you, just to avenge myself. That is not healthy.”

“But I don't mind,” Sirius protested. “I liked it.”

“I'm dangerous.”

“Are you kidding me? You play the werewolf card? That's no reason for me and you damn well know it.”

Remus rolled his eyes and groaned. “Could you at least once not be this stubborn?”

“But you're being totally absurd.” Meanwhile Sirius was also on his feet again, “I liked it, and you obviously liked it too. We're a great match, why don't you see that?”

“No, we’re not.”

“Yes, we are. Look,” he took a step forward, “I'm sorry for what I did. I promise you, with everything I have, this will never happen again.” He paused then smiled. “I love you.”

Remus' facial expression instantly softened, a little smile on his lips as well.

_I made it, I convinced him_, Sirius thought, as Remus took his face in his hands. Warm and solid, his touch so tender compared to before.

“You don't even know what that means,” he whispered, kissed him slightly.

But then he let go.

—

If he’d taken a closer look at the end of their last encounter, Sirius should have been somewhat devastated. He'd done everything in his power, had confessed his love to Remus, and yet it hadn't been enough. And yet …

Sirius couldn't stop smiling, because being in love was just the best he'd felt in his entire life.

Of course, Remus kept telling him how it was best for them to not have a romantic relationship, only to remain friends, which means no sex or anything like that. He was a dangerous monster. He could seriously harm him. And besides that, it was certainly only a phase for Sirius, like so many other things before. He'd get over it.

It could have been fucking frustrating. But it wasn't. 

Remus' words were bouncing off Sirius like on a brick wall. No upcoming war, no forthcoming exams, no detention, nothing could spoil Sirius' good mood. Every little gesture, every touch, every smile confirmed him even more in his thoughts, that Remus was the right man for him. That they belonged together. 

If he now drooled over him during their lessons, he was no longer confronted with looks of hate, but most of the time, he got a warm grin back in return, or saw Remus rolling his eyes, though always amused, never annoyed. Once he even winked at Sirius, for the butterflies in his belly to make a tumble.

And by now, Sirius was looking forward to the full moon even more than he’d done before. The pack was finally reunited, and, to Sirius' delight, the werewolf was even less disciplined than Remus tried to be.

The two canines played and romped through the woods, with James being almost as exhausted as Remus, every time afterwards, as he had his struggle to keep an eye on them. At the end of the night they all returned back to the shack as usual, but now Moony allowed Padfoot to lie down with him, snuggled up to him, sometimes even licking his ear. It was pure bliss.

And like this, they found their way back to their old selves. The Marauders were back in full strength, doing the pranks James and Sirius had planned over the summer. Which, quite by chance, often ended up with Sirius and Remus hiding alone in a broom closet. Never intentionally, of course.

“You need to stop setting this up,” Remus whispered, pressed against the cold wall, frowning and yet a small smile on his lips.

Sirius turned his head, trying his best innocent look. “I don't know what you’re talking about,” he grinned, “James got detention and Peter has to stand guard. We were the only ones left for the job.” He moved a little closer, “it's not my fault, the only hiding place within reach was this tiny little closet.”

“Again,” Remus smirked.

They heard piles of footsteps outside the door, Filch talking to his cat and muttering quiet curses all to himself.

Sirius pushed himself a little further towards Remus, his beautiful scent in his nose, the warmth of his body so pleasantly on Sirius' skin that he moaned slightly.

“Stop it,” Remus hissed.

“I'm sorry, I just can't help it.”

And then he put his hands in Remus' neck, pulled him close, and kissed him. Sweet and tender and overwhelming all the same. He felt his knees become soft, felt Remus give way and press into him, his hands in Sirius' hair, his groin so close ...

But then he stepped back. “We'd better not do that.”

“Come on, really?” Sirius snorted, but then tried his best, makeing his voice sound more seductive, “let's not fight the inevitable.”

“You're impossible.”

“But does that really bother you?” Sirius purred and hooked his finger into Remus's belt. “You like me, I like you, we both like this,” he moved his other hand between them, then looked up at Remus. “Believe me, I know this is right.”

“You see, and that's exactly the problem,” Remus said, somehow bugged all of a sudden, taking him by his shoulders and pushing him back. Sirius looked at him in confusion.

“It's all about what _you_ want. Always. But in a relationship, it's also about compromises, about putting your own needs aside sometimes.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Sometimes you and James walk through this whole school, as if you owe the damn place. You treat everyone like shit, who doesn't do what suits you. Just jinx people when they don't do what you want. It’s a damn arrogant attitude Sirius and also exactly why James will never end up with Lily.”

Sirius now also took a step back, staring at him with big eyes. “Shit, are you talking about Snape?”

Remus rubbed his eyes. “Just because you don't agree with his beliefs, doesn't give you the right to treat him that way.”

And that was the overkill. “But he's a fucking death eater!” Sirius yelled, forgotten that they were supposed to be quiet and hiding.

Remus looked at him obviously disappointed, and with a sigh, he then pushed him aside, “forget it.” He opened the door, but then turned around again. “See, and this is the main reason, why it's better if we're not together anymore.”

—

“That's really what he said?” James mumbled, hiding behind his cereal bowl. “I could have been with her long ago, if I've been just nicer to Snivellus?”

“It’d probably help, if we stop calling him Snivellus.” James pulled a face. “But no, I don't think that's his point.”

“But what is it then?” James looked totally confused and Sirius sighed.

“If only I knew.”

Sirius eyes wandered to the other end of the Gryffindor table, where Remus sat together with Lily and Peter over their DADA essay. Looking almost happy, while he explained to Peter the individual points with complete composure. That’s how he was, helpful, friendly, good.

He'd never betray a friend to take revenge on anyone. He didn't care about possessions, rich or poor, expensive clothes or precious chocolate. It had never been important to Remus how great and spectacular their pranks had been, the curiosity and challenge, the interest in magic, that had always been what made him participate in their undertakings.

But he never did, when the jokes were at someone else's expense. Remus was a good person, treated everyone with respect, even if this was not returned. No trace of false pride or the thought that he was something better.

And exactly there Sirius knew what he had to do.

“What are you up to,” James asked, his voice worried, holding him by his arm.

“One last try, to win Moony’s heart.”

The look James gave him was one of disbelief, but he finally let him go and watched with a tense expression, as Sirius made his way over to the Slytherin table.

The conversations around him stopped, eyes followed him with every step he took, also a pair of brown ones, the only ones that really mattered.

He felt like a knight on his last move into battle. Armed with nothing but his bare hands, he would face the enemy. Directed at his mercy. One last heroic gesture.

Sirius stopped right in front of Snape and cleared his throat. “Sni-, Snape, um, do you have a sec?”

The other looked up at him, his eyes twisted into narrow slits. No answer.

“I, um, I owe you an apology for -,” Sirius took a deep breath, gritting his teeth, and swallowed his pride down, “for the way I've treated you over the years.”

“Oh Merlin,” he heard James moaning from the other side of the hall.

“It was a childish behavior and no matter what you did, nobody deserves to be treated like that.”

Sirius felt like he threw up in his mouth a little, but he pulled himself together and held Snape's gaze, as he finally stood up in front of him, a smug grin on his face.

“What do you say,” he replied, his gaze scurrying over to Remus at the other end of the hall and Sirius also risked a look over his shoulder. He had got up as well, his eyes on them, somehow worried, and also confused. Sirius bit his lip and looked back at Snape, still waiting for a reply

“Oh, I know this must be really hard for you, Black” he sneered, “is the wolf really that good huh?”

The last words hardly more than a breath and yet they caused Sirius' blood to boil. His jaw tense, but he stayed quiet.

“You want me to forgive you?” Snape said now louder and grinned at his classmates, standing behind him, then he looked back at Sirius, “beg for it.”

“What?”

Snape came closer, his eyes full of hate. “I said, kneel down and beg for it.”

If Sirius could have killed him with one look, he'd done it. Instead, he took one last deep breath, closed his eyes and then kneeled down before him. With his teeth gritted, he finally looked up. “I beg you, Severus,” and a cold shiver ran down his spine, “please forgive me.”

“Oh, what a good puppy you are,” Snape sneered, the laughter of the other Slytherins in his back, “but I think you can do better than that.”

“That's enough.”

_Remus_.

Snape turned his gaze up and away from Sirius, directly to the man, now standing beside him.

“You're fucking pathetic, Snape. Sirius, get up,” he said and pulled him on his feet. “This –”

But Sirius interrupted him. “Now you know how serious I am?” The corners of his mouth didn't even twitch.

“I do,” Remus hushed back, his eyes warm and open, love now so close to the surface that Sirius felt almost dizzy. He blushed slightly under Remus' gaze, but for nothing in the world he could look anywhere else now.

Staring deeply into each other's eyes, it took them a few seconds to realize that they were still being watched by the entire school. So, with a wolfish grin, Remus grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him outside the hall. Up the stairs, past the Fat Lady, up to their dorm.

Slamming the door shut, and then he was on him.

—

This, Sirius thought a few seconds later, _this_ is really what love must feel like.

Intense, overwhelming, speeding up his heartbeat to such an extent, it might jump out of his chest right away.

He felt the smile on his lips, as Remus kissed him, the corners of his mouth pulled up slightly, his strong hands framing Sirius’ face, fingers entangled with strands of hair behind his ears. Shivers of bliss flowed through his body as he greedily pressed himself into the touch, his arms tightly closed around Remus' waist.

Not for a second did they let go of each other, as they stumbled back towards the bed, falling into the soft pillows, kissing each other, as if their lives depended on it.

Coming up for breath, they looked into each other's eyes, causing something to melt in Sirius's chest. This feeling even intensified when Remus slowly reached for the top button of his shirt and opened it with skilled fingers.

It was the first time Sirius really understood what it meant to make love.

Coming down from their high and still out of breath they lay there afterwards, with entangled limbs in the damp sheets of the bed. Still trembling from the sensation, that continued to rush through their bodies in decreasing waves.

Then Remus started to chuckle, and Sirius slowly turned his head.

“I'm sorry, it's just –” he tried his best to calm down, “you should have seen James' face when you kneeled in front of Snape. As if he’d pass out any second.”

And then the chuckle turned into real laughter, his whole body shaking and Sirius had to grin himself.

“I'm glad to amuse you, Moony.”

Their looks met, Remus' eyes glistening, still smiling. “You do more than just that, Pads.”

And the kiss he then gave him was exactly the kiss Sirius had imagined, the moment he knew he was in love with Remus. Tender, gentle, intimate. One of those kisses you'd experience only a few times in your life.

He kept his eyes closed a second longer as Remus detached himself from him, lingering briefly in the warm feeling that surrounded him. With a small sigh he finally lay down again, pressing his nose into the tender skin on Remus's side.

“I love you,” he whispered against his chest, while Remus started to stroke back his damp hair and kissed him on his forehead.

“I love you too, Sirius.”

He'd never felt any better.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and/or comments, if you liked it or if you got any suggestions.
> 
> And if that's your thing, come and say hello on [tumblr](https://evax3.tumblr.com/) :)


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